


don't suffer alone

by seanceinthealps



Category: Dungeons & Dragons (Roleplaying Game), Original Work
Genre: Friendship is Magic, Hurt/Comfort, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-07
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-13 11:13:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29900238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seanceinthealps/pseuds/seanceinthealps
Summary: for my dnd besties, nobody else will read this so that's very cool <3
Relationships: Anura and Chaska





	don't suffer alone

**Author's Note:**

> for my dnd besties, nobody else will read this so that's very cool <3

_Hurt and grieve but don't suffer alone_  
_Engage with the pain as a motive_

It was strange, having so much time. Sitting on the sofa, nose furrowed in concentration as Anura knitted a blanket, they didn’t even notice the time slip away into the night. Soon enough they were squinting at their knitting in the dark, not having realised the darkness had swallowed the world outside. 

They reached over and lit a candle, smiling as they watch the small flame flicker and crackle for a moment in the darkness. Chaska must have gone to bed already, they thought as they gathered up their wool and knitting needles into their weary arms. In all honestly, Anura wasn’t sure they had seen Chaska at all since she’d returned from Bran’s; they supposed that was odd but didn’t think too much about it. She didn’t really seem the social type. 

Padding gently to their bedroom, flickering light in hand, they laid the bones of their almost-finished blanket on a chest of drawers; they wondered if it could be finished by tomorrow - it was getting colder at nights and they would be grateful for the extra warmth.

Setting the candle down on the bedside table, Anura crawled into bed, shifting as they tried to get comfortable under the covers. With a gentle breath, the candle’s light was snuffed out and their world was plunged into night.

Somewhere, an owl trilled it’s nighttime song, and Anura fell asleep wondering if it was Eula.

Anura slept fitfully. Blood seeped in at the corners of their dreams, visions of incarnated anger ripping and tearing at them in jolting flashes. 

Starling awake, Anura clutched at the corners of their bedsheets, hoping to ground themself. Breathing heavy and sharp, Anura tried to shake their mind of those violent, bestial shadows that clung to their skin like leeches. They could still feel the lingering remnants of the lycanthropy pounding against their mind. It had no control over them anymore, but it was still there. It was there everywhere they went and everything they did. That hopelessness still felt so present, the hopelessness they felt as they felt those beasts tearing away at their very soul and turning them from the inside out. They shook their head, hoping to shake the thoughts out.

From the softly brightening sky, Anura could only assume the night had not yet passed. It was maybe 2 or 3 in the morning, but they knew sleep was not an option. Still shaky from the nightmare, Anura relit the candle and tiptoed out into the kitchen. 

Settled into the sofa, Anura was watching the fire lick the logs in the fireplace and sipped gingerly from their cup of tea - it was definitely still a little hot but the warmth was comforting, and so different from that darkness in their dreams. They could not go back to sleep yet. That was out of the question.

From the front of the cottage, a noise. A noise that sounded distinctly like the door opening and shutting with a soft click. Maybe they were being paranoid? It would make sense right, for their mind to be uneasy after all they had endured? Though something in Anura knew they couldn’t doubt their senses like this, their gut told them it was very much real. 

Heart pounding in their chest, Anura placed the tea on the table and crept, back to the wall, to the sound of the noise.

Their palm was already clenched tightly out in front of them, palm up. Magic missile.

“Akopo” they whispered and unclenched their fist, three tiny glowing lights hovering above their palm - primed for attack.

Anura leapt round the corner at the intruder; time slowed - they’d never done something like this before. Not completely alone. They were steeled for a fight, but that didn’t stop their head from thinking of all the horrible ways they could die right here, right now. Or worse…

“Un- Chaska?”

Dropping their outstretched arm to their side, the incantation died on their lips and the lights extinguished themselves as quickly as they had come. Instead they stared, blank-faced, at the figure of their friend who had entered their cottage at this hour of the morning.

“Anura.” 

Chaska nodded at them in acknowledgment, and attempted to slide past them, headed for her bedroom. 

Too numb from lingering terror and new befuddlement, Anura stood dumbly in the hallway and Chaska managed to squeeze past and disappear into her room, out of sight. They stood their for a couple of moments before coming to their senses and following Chaska to her door. They knocked twice. No response. Again. Nothing.

Betraying everything Anura stood for, they opened the door and peered into the room. Chaska, who had presumably been sitting on the bed, jumped in front of the door blocking the rest of the room from view. Feeling like an overeager parent, Anura almost backed out and left Chaska alone then - if it weren’t for the smell. Their faces were close enough that Anura could smell the stench of alcohol on her breath; Chaska must’ve seen the realisation on their face because she stumbled back, eyes on the ground. As Chaska moved aside Anura had a full view of the bed where a full bottle sat on her discarded cloak.

“Are you-?” Anura didn’t want to say it, but they knew Chaska would understand. 

“No.” Chaska folded her arms, as if she were somehow in a position to be scolding Anura, “Well… not really. It’s- I- I was going to do that here. Alone.” She amended, refusing to meet Anura’s eyes. 

“Please don’t.” Anura didn’t really have anything else to say. This was not a situation they were comfortable handling, in all honesty. Some horrible part of them wished they knew a spell to turn back the clock, go back to their room and let Chaska drink herself into a stupor while Anura remained blissfully unaware next door. But that wasn’t who they were.

“Like you’re going to try and stop me.” Chaska scoffed, falling onto the bed and unscrewing the bottle. She drew one long swig, before recapping and laying the bottle back on the bed, meeting Anura’s frightened gaze the whole time. Of course Anura knew Chaska had secrets, had things she hadn’t told any of them - that much was obvious. But this felt cruel. A mean-spirited manipulation of Anura’s own kindheartedness, the knowledge that Anura wasn’t about to wrestle Chaska for the bottle - they would probably lose anyway.

“Chaska-”

“Look, Anura. I like you. I think you’re sweet and kind, a good person and dependable ally but you’re not my friend. I’m trying to say this nicely because I’m sure you probably had a different impression, but we are not friends and I doubt we ever will be. Leave me be, because you don’t want to be here in ten minutes.”

It felt like a blow to chest. A devastating icy punch, delivered with absolute apathy; Chaska was simply watching them, face hardened in that unreadable classically ‘Chaska’ expression - it was a challenge, a question: _what are you going to do now?_

Anura couldn’t leave. Somewhere within them it felt wrong - that it would be a mistake. They cared about Chaska. For all her insistence that they weren’t friends, Anura was allowed to care even if Chaska didn’t return the sentiment.

Tentatively, Anura came and sat down on the bed beside Chaska. 

“What the fuck are you doing?” Chaska demanded. Maybe it was just Anura, but they could have sworn something like fear had snuck into her voice then. An undertone of panic that Anura had not obliged immediately; something like pride swelled within them for a moment - they were clearly less of a pushover than Chaska had planned for. “If you’re worried I’m going to die or something… I won’t. It’s just the one bottle.”

“I’m staying,” Anura said, with as much determination as they could muster, “Because you’re _my_ friend. Even if I’m not yours.”

“Anura, please I-” Chaska wrung her hands in her lap, “Last time I made so many people angry and I don’t even remember what I said I- I don’t want to do that to you.”

Oh. 

Anura couldn’t help but smile then. Behind all that snark and hatred, was someone who cared. Cared about them. Their heart swelled in their chest as the lightness of that load fell upon their shoulders: _Chaska cares if she hurts me, doesn’t want to hurt me._

They couldn’t even think of what to say. What could they say that expressed what that meant to them? As far as Anura was concerned, there were no words.

“Besides, I’m fucking poor as fuck now.” Chaska said bitterly, filling the silence.

“Sorry, that’s- that sucks.”

“Yeah.”

Chaska laughed, suddenly, abruptly in the commencing silence. It was short, but it felt genuine, not anything like the huffs of bitter laughter Chaska demonstrated on any other occasions.

“Look at us,” she said, “One of us was a fucking werewolf yesterday-”

“I hadn’t changed completely yet!” Anura protested.

“Yeah, whatever Wolfy… One of us was a werewolf yesterday and the other is a borderline fucking alcoholic.”

“Are you?” Anura said, feeling tension hanging heavy in the air again. 

Chaska laughed again, but humourlessly. “I mean I always said no but Arlo always nagged me about it; it wasn’t even regularly. Just when everything gets too much; when there’s this big, loud hole in your chest screaming at you and you just need something to fill it back up again.”

Anura felt tears prick their eyes. They wanted nothing more than to wrap their arms around Chaska and never let go, but they knew better than that.

“Okay, listen,” Chaska said after a pause, sitting cross-legged on the bed and putting the bottle between her legs, “I don’t know if this is the drink talking but I’m going to let you stay…”

“Thank you, I-”

“Hey, hey! Easy with the worship, I’m not finished. You can stay but… there’s one rule.”

“Anything.”

“You let me do this.”

Anura swallowed a lump in their throat as Chaska took another swig of the bottle, but nodded. The ease at which Chaska was talking about her problems - both of their problems were fair game apparently - made Anura start to feel nervous, it looked like whatever was in that bottle was definitely starting to take hold of her mind. Chaska had warned them, but Anura had to stand their ground - no matter what Chaska said, Anura would stay.

“You want some?” Chaska said, smirking. 

Anura shook their head mutely; the bottle was almost half gone now and yet Chaska had still yet to be mean. To Anura, at least - she had said some pretty vulgar things about her parents and older brothers, but other than that she was… nice. If anything she was just happier than Anura ever would have considered possible. 

“Alright, suit yourself,” Chaska said, holding the bottle to her lips once again, “Hey- I barely know anything about you. I mean you’re what? A million years old? You must have lived quite a life… You got kids?”

“Kids?!” Anura spluttered in a panic, causing Chaska to laugh loudly. Chaska’s laugh - her real laugh - made her look younger, and by Anura’s standards she was already like a fountain of youth. The way her cheeks dimpled and the way her head tipped back was something so foreign on her face, but beautiful at the same time. Anura smiled back, “I do not have children.”

“Hm, what about a partner? Do you have anybody waiting at home for you?”

Fenne’s face flashed across their mind and a bone-deep aching sadness lodged itself in their chest; Anura hesitated.

“Um…”

“Oh my god, you do!”

Anura felt their face flushing crimson. They did not want to talk about this right now, they missed Fenne so much - wanted nothing more than to see her again. After leaving, Anura had kept that pain bottled and sealed in the deepest parts of their heart - they had never discussed it before… but maybe?

“How much of this are you… um… going to remember tomorrow?”

“Bits,” Chaska said, “That’s usually how it is, but the later it gets the less I’m going to remember. You can tell me another time, if you want? When I’m sober and will remember what you said.” 

She laughed gently, but her dark eyes were kind - earnest. They were the eyes of someone Anura felt they could trust.

“Yeah- That’d be nice.”

It went downhill from there. The sun was poking its head above the horizon and Anura realised they had been sat here like this for probably two hours at least. With the bottle now nearly empty, Chaska had started getting restless. She’d already suggested going to see Keth a few times, to which every time Anura had to patiently explain that his shop was likely not yet open and that even if it were it would not be a good idea. 

“We should go see Shi’narvin,” Chaska slurred, muffled by a blanket fort, “Interrogate her…”

“We did that already, Chaska.” Anura yawned. They hadn’t intended to stay up until daybreak and it was starting to take its toll.

“Are you bored of me?” She demanded, temper rising.

“Just tired.” Anura tried for their best and most consoling smile. They weren’t sure if this was what Chaska had warned them about, but if it was - this was manageable.

“Okay… Did you know I wanted to fuck her?”

“What?” Anura said, startled.

“Shi’narvin. I just- it’s like this-” Chaska grabbed Anura’s hands and looked at her imploringly, “Please understand, Anura, I know she’s horrible. I’m horrible, I just wanted to feel something I can’t- I don’t- please understand-” Tears were spilling out over Chaska’s cheeks now and Anura was hopelessly out of their depth. They wished Artin were here right now. 

Going for a hopefully comforting handsqueeze, Anura got Chaska’s attention. 

“You’re not bad, Chaska I- You did the right thing. You saved so many people.”

“I guess so.”

“Do you- do you want a hug?”

Chaska nodded gratefully, and Anura reached out their arms to embrace their friend. They wanted to understand, to know Chaska so they could help her, but they had no idea how to do that. Even damp with sweat and the scent of whiskey, Chaska was still solid; her arms were strong and warm and she still smelled faintly of a rich earthy fragrance. Just as Anura was beginning to enjoy the hug, Chaska convulsed in their arms, tore from their grasp and vomited all over the floor.

“Shit. _Shit_. Anura, I’m so sorry - you invite me to stay here and I- Fuck. _Fuck_.”

“Stop, Chaska, it’s fine I can clean it. Just- you stay here and I’ll get a bucket or something. I’ll be right back.”

As Anura expected, there was a bucket through the cottage’s back door, against the wall. The early morning chill bit at their skin, which should have chilled them, but adrenaline prevailed as they grabbed the bucket by the handle and went back inside the house. They paused for a moment, thinking. Thinking of how easy it would be to run and get Artin - to have her handle this, they were sure Artin was more competent. But, Anura was scared to leave; in the time it took for them to go to Artin’s and return what could have happened? What if Chaska decided Shi’narvin was owed a visit after all - they couldn’t be banned from the town. Not again.

Upon Anura’s return they see Chaska miserably scrubbing at the floor with what looks like one of her own dresses. It looks expensive.

“Chaska, stop. I have magic, remember?”

“Oh. Oh yeah.” Chaska laughed bitterly at the ground and Anura quickly cleaned both the floor and Chaska’s now soiled dress. Gingerly, Anura placed the bucket on the floor beside Chaska and sat down themself, waiting in what they hoped was support. 

“I’ve fucked everything up again, haven’t I? Everything is so… so… fucked.”

“You haven’t- you- what do mean again?”

“I killed her Anura I should’ve- I should’ve tried harder I didn’t. I could have done more, she-”

Anura swallowed, feeling their chest tighten as their friend grabbed miserably at the bucket. They didn’t know what to do; didn’t even understand what Chaska meant. Chaska had killed someone?

“Who?” was all they said.

“Fay… Amafrey Helder she was- she was the only person I ever loved, the only person I will ever love and- and everything is so empty, like the sun just disappeared behind a cloud and never came back.” Chaska took a deep breath, shaking, “I used to think she was like the sun. That sometimes it was like fragments of the sun lay beneath her skin, just glowing there and taking me into her warmth.”

Feeling their eyes stinging with tears, Anura placed a gentle hand on Chaska’s knee hoping in some way it would touch their friend and that she could feel them there, that it wouldn’t hurt as much anymore. Anura thought about Fenne and how much it ached missing her. They knew the feeling, knew how it was to lose. This was too close to home.

“What happened…?” Anura almost regretted it the instant the words left their mouth, but left their hand resting awkwardly on Chaska’s knee.

“She didn’t want me to get married - I mean I didn’t either but that’s just how it works, I always knew that was coming at some point but she convinced me, said that my parents would let us be together if we asked. They didn’t. She disappeared and I- I don’t know where she went she-” Chaska choked back a sob, before inhaling deeply “I’ve seen what they do to people, people who step out of line. I can’t imagine her… like that it’s- I can’t.”

Anura had never cared much for nobility, and had held some amount of contempt for Chaska’s family for that reason but now they were uncharacteristically enraged. It was beyond them to imagine everything Chaska must have endured under their supposed ‘care’ and ‘protection’, only for the one person she had loved to be ripped from her grasp.

“She loved me completely, and I loved her the same. That’s all. Now she’s gone and returned to the sky; I just hope she didn’t suffer. She deserved that, at least.”

Faltering, Anura felt a chasm within them open and swallow their heart whole. The room was bitten by gloom against the lightening sky outside; they would need sleep, and fast - the rest of the party would most likely come to check on them later in the day, and they couldn’t both be asleep. That would only lead to some potentially uncomfortable questions.

“Chaska,” Anura prompted gently, “It’s daytime, we should get to bed.”

Chaska grunted softly but nodded softly and allowed Anura to guide her onto the bed. Pulling the blanket over the desolate wasteland of Chaska’s form, Anura went to say goodnight but realised quickly that their friend was already sound asleep. Smiling in spite of themself for Chaska looked so much less troubled in sleep, her permanent frown-line softened and heart less heavy with pain and guilt, Anura tiptoed back out of the room and into their own. 

Their dreams were not of blood and anger. But of Fenne. Of the memories they had together, and that Anura would surely treasure for their lifetime.

  
Anura awoke well into the late afternoon, rested. Padding out into the kitchen, they intended to make both Chaska and themself a tea, but to their surprise Chaska was already sitting there curled up and nose in a book. Going to sit next to her, Chaska lifted her head to smile at Anura.

“Morning, Nura. You sleep alright? Hopefully I didn’t keep you up too long.” She averted her gaze, looking abashed, “Sorry about that, by the way… hopefully it wasn’t too uncomfortable for you.”

Nodding, Anura just sort of glanced at Chaska. She seemed as normal, the subdued Chaska they had come to know so well, but with her sharpest edges softened; the way she smiled at Anura was gentler, less mocking and the openness to Anura sitting beside her was new too. But she was still the same, completely different from the broken shell Anura had met last night. 

“You okay?” Anura didn’t want to probe about last night, but felt as though they should still check.

“Yeah, I mean apart from feeling like someone shoved glass into my brain, I’m good,” she laughed, smiling before something different fell over her face, an almost panicked expression, “Why? What did I say?”

“You don’t remember…” Anura said softly, realisation dawning on them that Chaska didn’t remember that broken, vulnerable version she’d shown Anura the night before, “You told me… you told me about Fay.”

Chaska paused. Smile fading from her lips, and eyes suddenly becoming blank of emotion. 

“It’s okay,” Anura said, sympathetic, “You don’t have to talk about it. I’m here if you need it… and I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

Eyes bright, Chaska bit her lip and nodded mutely, before she brightened and stood, laying her book on the table. 

“Thanks, Anura. You’re a good friend.” Friend. Chaska had called them a friend. “Come here.” she said, holding out her arms to Anura. 

It was clear Chaska didn’t have much experience with offering hugs, but Anura still took the opportunity thankfully. They rested their head upon Chaska’s shoulder, who held them with strong arms. She smelled of their cottage’s soap and freshly-tilled soil.

The fire crackled in the hearth as Anura relaxed into their friend’s arms. Anura promised that Chaska would always have Anura to turn to, and knew, deep down in their soul, that Chaska would do the same for them. Everything was still and warm int those moments before the knock on the door.

Pulling apart from each other, Chaska shrugged. 

The knocking persisted, louder this time. Chaska flinched, a hand placed to her temple, but smirked at Anura.

“That’ll be our insane friends.” 

Anura laughed and nodded, and the pair walked shoulder to shoulder to the door. Their hearts now connected by something bigger, grander than respect or companionship, ready to welcome their other friends to their home.

**Author's Note:**

> stole from hill house but its fine


End file.
